Letter to a Toxic Family

Here is the text from my half-brother. It is exact, word for word.

Alright I’ve kept my mouth shut for years out of respect for mom and grandma’s wishes but I’m done, have you lost your fucking mind? The way you treat our family is DISGUSTING, and I am in constant shock that a 45 year old man acts the way you do. It’s like a fucking spoiled kid. You call everyone delusional and dysfunctional, but the person who points the finger at everyone else is always the delusional one and I would’ve thought you were smart enough to realize that. You always act like grandma is on her deathbed but she is very competent and not delusional, and because of that she cannot be forced to do anything by law, you just can’t accept that she told you like it was and that you haven’t done much for her since her accident and she is right. We barely see you like 3 times a year and you want to try and have a say in what she does or how our family is? How the fuck could you possibly know any of that when you’re not around? It’s astonishing. And then you tell mom one day that grandma’s care is ultimately up to mom and aunt Terri, then the next day you freak the fuck out after they ask you to put it off a week because grandma had gout and she was hollering constantly in pain, which I heard her yelling, like how damn selfish are you? You throw a tantrum like a child and ignore mom and aunt Terri’s texts for weeks but then when you text them and they don’t respond immediately you block them? You didn’t even give them 24 hours? YOU are fucking delusional and need to go get therapy or something because that is the main criteria for being bipolar af. And the funny part is, is you talk all that shit to them over the phone, but your too much of a pussy to talk to them in person because we all know you’d never say that shit to their face. I am so fucking sick and tired of you and Melissa making my mom cry and I have to listen to her quietly cry so no one will hear her and worry about her. You haven’t had a hard life you’re just spoiled af and your a piece of shit for always using “I’m not exposing Charles to this” as leverage against mom and our family if they don’t do your will and follow y’all’s agenda. Always making threats like a coward. That’s why I don’t give af if you prevent me from seeing Charles because one day when he is older he will see you and Melissa’s weird ass way of doing things and come see us for himself. Oh and by the way you wished me a happy birthday on September 2nd, my birthday is the 3rd and you didn’t wish dad a happy birthday either. I don’t give 2,3,4, or 5 shits if you block me or what you or Melissa’s opinion of me is and I never have because yall treat our family so despicably why the fuck would I care what you think or have to say about me? If you kicked me out of your life, my life would literally not change it would be the same it is now. So do what you want but our family isn’t a bunch of dope heads, locked in jail, or terrible people. Mom is a very good person who has grown so much, you think you’re the only one she did crazy shit to? The difference is I have seen her change and grow and she is a very good person at heart who made some mistakes but would do anything for you, Melissa, and Charles still despite how you treat her. Well I’m not as nice as her and the rest of our family, if you make her cry one more time I will drive to Spring Hill and confront you in person. I love you because you’re my brother but I’m done with this shit, you’ve completely lost it and need to seek help.

Here are his statements along with my responses.

1. You always act like grandma is on her deathbed but she is very competent and not delusional, and because of that she cannot be forced to do anything by law, you just can’t accept that she told you like it was

Response - She is very close to the end. Her health is failing, she is on a drug that is used to treat serious mental health conditions, including schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and major depressive disorders just to stop all the hallucinations, which she still has daily. She can barley walk, see or hear and she is recovering from a fall that almost killed her. Everyone in the family aggress she should not be alone in her house but she insist on going.

2. The way you treat our family is DISGUSTING, and I am in constant shock that a 45 year old man acts the way you do. It’s like a fucking spoiled kid. You call everyone delusional and dysfunctional, but the person who points the finger at everyone else is always the delusional one and I would’ve thought you were smart enough to realize that.

Response - Jackson has absolutely no reason to say or think this. In fact, everyone in our family has said the exact opposite, Grandma and Teri included. I have done way more in my life with half of the resources and opportunities that Jackson has and have never been spoiled, it’s not even an argument. If fact we were poor as hell growing up, food stamps and all. Then she met my step-father, they wanted a baby and out the door I was kicked at 18.

3. We barely see you like 3 times a year and you want to try and have a say in what she does or how our family is? How the fuck could you possibly know any of that when you’re not around?

Response -Saying that I only see you like 3 times a year is a very selfish outlook. For one, all “3” of those times are because of my efforts. My door has always been open. Jackson has ever once asked how I am doing or anything for many years. In fact he has only came to visit me once on his own in 10 years. So “3’ times a year for me and “0” for him. It has been a one-way street completely. Not to mention that my wife has been fighting stage 4 cancer for the last 2 years. Its not like I have just been screwing off like Jackson has, in contrast, I have built a family, a career, and been involved in community programs, while he has struggled to even maintain stability, and it still took him 10 years to get a 4-year degree while living at home.

4. And then you tell mom one day that grandma’s care is ultimately up to mom and aunt Terri - that she told you like it was and that you haven’t done much for her since her accident and she is right

Response - I never said this at all. In fact, I have offered multiple times to come and help in any way that was needed. No one has ever taken me up on it. The fact that he is saying that Grandma told him that is also very concerning.

5. ignore mom and aunt Terri’s texts for weeks but then when you text them and they don’t respond immediately you block them?

Response - I didn't ignore them, I block them because I was tired it all. I gave them almost 24 hours to at least acknowledge that I had reached out and what I was thinking. They admitted to me later that they saw my text but either did not want to respond or did fell like they needed to. I do admit I could have handled that a little better.

6. And the funny part is, is you talk all that shit to them over the phone, but your too much of a pussy to talk to them in person because we all know you’d never say that shit to their face

Response - We don’t exactly live next to each other, in fact hours away so our primary way of contact is via the phone. I would completely say anything I have over the phone to your face. This is complete speculation. In fact, we have had many conversations about grandma, sometimes multiple in a week.

7. You haven’t had a hard life you’re just spoiled af and you’re a piece of shit for always using “I’m not exposing Charles to this” as leverage against mom and our family if they don’t do your will and follow y’all’s agenda. Always making threats like a coward.

Response - That is completely inaccurate. I have never used Charles as a bargaining tool. I’ve only chosen not to involve him in situations I thought weren’t healthy. That’s not “control” — that’s parenting, and it is my responsibility. Grandma and Teri have said the opposite many times, that you are the spoiled one. I’ve worked hard to build a life, a career, and to support my family with half the resources he had. Nothing about that is spoiled. I’ve never asked anyone to “follow my agenda.” I just refuse to go along with what are obviously horrible ideas. Also, for him to say “I’m spoiled” is laughable coming from an almost 30-year-old boy that lives with his parents and can’t even hold down a job or a relationship. I am not the one calling the cops and protective services on my parents when I don’t get my way or sending crazy text like this.

8. That’s why I don’t give af if you prevent me from seeing Charles because one day when he is older he will see you and Melissa’s weird ass way of doing things and come see us for himself

Response - As parents, we’ll always try to make decisions we feel are best for our son. It’s our job to protect him from conflict. Melissa and I provide Charles with a stable, loving home — something Jackson has never had or modeled. My responsibility is to shield him from conflict, and I will continue to do that. If anything, one day Charles will see these messages for himself, and it won’t reflect well on Jackson.

Oh and by the way you wished me a happy birthday on September 2nd, my birthday is the 3rd and you didn’t wish dad a happy birthday either.

Response - Honestly this was my mistake, I thought it was the 3rd, just got my days mixed up. Not to mention the fact that Jackson has never even gotten me a birthday present, card or anything in almost 30 years. But to even be brought up in this manner is really a stretch given the circumstances, this feels like an attempt to nitpick. I am sorry for not wishing Ted a happy birthday, with all this crap going on I just forgot.

9. I don’t give 2,3,4, or 5 shits if you block me or what you or Melissa’s opinion of me is and I never have because yall treat our family so despicably why the fuck would I care what you think or have to say about me?

Response - Again, a false statement. I have not said anything about Jackson throughout all of this. This is a complete overdramatization by Jackson. Its not like he gets a “Best brother\son of the year award”. He and his instabilities have caused more issues for our family than anything.

10. So do what you want but our family isn’t a bunch of dope heads, locked in jail, or terrible people.

Response - This statement is just stupid. Nobody has ever said any of that, so as usual Jackson is just completely wrong with his assessment.

11. Well I’m not as nice as her and the rest of our family, if you make her cry one more time I will drive to Spring Hill and confront you

Response - And for the crown jewel of it all. I take threats seriously. I don’t think this is a healthy or constructive way to handle disagreements. You don’t threaten someone like this and expect it to be taken lightly. Especially someone as unstable as Jackson who has a long history of crazy shit, suicidal tendencies and violence due to his inability to control himself.

Summary

These were the highlights, the rest was just him ranting about me being delusional, Bi-Polar, and needing therapy. Funny thing is only one of us has been in therapy, tested for BI-Polar, depression, been institutionalized and has constantly been on medications for all of this…. guess who? What I also think is interesting is that none of this was an issue until Jackson brought it up. It was not on anyone's radar.

Conclusion

Jackson’s message is full of inaccuracies, speculation, and hostility. I’ve chosen to live my life with discipline, responsibility, and focus on family and community. I’ve offered help, kept my door open, and avoided spreading hostility. Also, the fact the Cheri has allowed this to fester and grow really shows that not much has changed. I have heard him bragging about how he has pushed around his own father, a 60-year-old man, how brave. Going off on people with these crazy accusations, and his all-around lack of and self-control. He wants to talk about being delusional or crazy, he wears the crown of that for sure. This is no where close to everything I have seen or experienced, just the tip of the iceberg. Not to mention this is the first time I have stood up and said "Enough, I'm not going to be a part of this anymore". In short, this ends what little bit of a relationship I had with Jackson, and by association Cheri. At this point, I have no interest in continuing a relationship with him or her. This is not an overnight decision, but the result of 45 years of repeated drama and toxicity. Also, this is not because of what has happened in the past, I have long since moved on and not though of some of this for years, it is that it continues to happen to this day.